


The Little Things

by DAIOSTIEL



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Has ADHD, Alec's needy, Body Dysphoria, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Genderfluid Clary Fray, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Magnus Bane Has ADHD, Sleepy Cuddles, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Alec Lightwood, bc i can and as i should, can you blame him?, this ones for my boyfriend everybody hope that he likes this, trans author projecting here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-19 12:48:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29999589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAIOSTIEL/pseuds/DAIOSTIEL
Summary: Dysphoria is never rational, Alec knows that, and it frustrates him. It's frustrating how he can't even enjoy the stuff he loves doing the most just because stupid, petty, things make him feel uncomfortable.Though,It's not stupid if it makes you feel uncomfortable,Magnus tells him. And during times like these, Alec likes to hold on to that - hold ontoMagnus
Relationships: Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 5
Kudos: 57





	The Little Things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alecsmars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alecsmars/gifts).



> This is what happens when you try to write during a fucking writing slump. Alec, darling, let me down easy if you dont like this - I tried <3
> 
> DAIOSTIEL on [ tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/daiostiel)/[twitter](https://twitter.com/DAIOSTIEL)/[instagram.](https://www.instagram.com/daiostiel/)
> 
> [all mistakes are mine, im fucking tired and my dumbass beta is busy]

“I hate everyone,” Alec groans, flopping down on the couch face first, right beside where Magnus is sitting.

Magnus hums, patting Alec’s shoulder and switching off the TV. “Hello, Alexander”

Alec doesn’t look up, he just slides in a better position on the couch, curling himself in and pillowing his head on Magnus’ thigh. “Mhm”

“College?”

“hate that place”

“I know,” Magnus replies, all of his attention on Alec now. He had expected him to come home tired after the frustrated texts he got through the day. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

Alec shakes his head, feeling Magnus’ fingers run through his hair, humming at the feeling. “Later. I want to nap”

“Okay,” Magnus replies, smiling at his boyfriend’s sleepy voice. He has heard it countless times over the course of the past year, yet, it never fails to melt his heart.

Alec’s dark curls fall over his eyes, eyelashes flickering and the motion of Magnus tucking them behind his ear. His lips are chapped and slightly swollen today, probably because of him anxiously biting them - Magnus sighs when he realizes. 

Then, Magnus notices his boyfriend’s posture, the way his body seems stiff, almost uncomfortable.

“Alec?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you still wearing your binder?”

Alec exhales a breath, not replying. 

“You’re going to wake up sore,” Magnus tells him, “And you have archery with Biscuit in the evening. Wearing your binder already restricts your movements, and you don’t want--”

“Magnus, I know,” Alec says, and starts to sit up. “Sorry”

“You don't have to apologize, darling,” says Magnus, “I say this for your own good”

Alec rubs his hand along his face, feels his energy drain out of his body. Honestly? He just wants a hug and cuddles right now. He hates having to get off the couch and leave Magnus’ warmth, missing the feeling of Magnus playing with his hair already.

“I know,” Alec replies.

Magnus gives him a smile, and Alec’s stomach flips at the way the older man’s eyes light up. It’s been a year since they became roommates, and yet, Alec has never been able to shake off the feeling he gets whenever he sees Magnus like that small, soft expression on his face. 

Maybe because Alec has been in fucking love with Magnus ever since he saw him.

“Take off your binder, and have a nap. I’ll wake you up by 6,” Magnus tells him, standing up from the couch and going to the kitchen, probably to make himself lunch. 

“Thank you,” Alec says

Magnus turns and blows him a kiss, which Alec pretends to catch with a tired, outstretched arm.

Alec never really thought that he'd be here when he was first looking for houses. His only requirements were a cheap rent, a separate bathroom and a roommate (if any) who wasn’t transphobic or homophobic.

Then, he saw the flyer of this apartment. 

And then, he met Magnus Bane.

This apartment was a walk away from Alec’s college, the rent was not cheap, but affordable, and Magnus was... well, Magnus; a free wheeling bisexual, who doesn’t care about anything (until you wear acid-washed jeans, that is)

Alec didn’t know he needed Magnus, until he got him. And now it feels scary because of how much he has gotten so used to him.

Back in his room, Alec takes off his binder and places it on his chair. Then, he writes a  _ “WASH BINDER BEFORE ARCHERY”  _ on a post-it and pastes it on his night stand. It’s a hack Magnus came up with a while back - leaving post-its for themselves - because both of their ADHD asses tend to not remember shit at times.

Falling asleep feels easy when he can listen to Magnus' soft hums coming from the kitchen.

“Alexander?” 

Alec blinks his eyes open to Magnus stroking his hair while pressing a kiss on his forehead. He hums, his arms going around Magnus’ waist, trying to pull his boyfriend closer.

“Darling, you have archery. Biscuit’s waiting,” Magnus laughs at the vainless attempt. “It’s six-thirty” 

Alec frowns, immediately opening his eyes and trying to push himself up. “What?” he says, grabbing his phone from under his pillow and checking the time. “Magnus, why didn’t you wake me up?” 

He has to be in the arena by 7:15, and he still hasn’t washed his binder, how is he going to--

“You seemed tired, I wanted to let you sleep. And, I washed your binder” 

“Oh,” Alec sighs. 

Magnus smiles. “Don’t worry, you still have time” 

Alec arches his head up for a kiss. “You’re the best”

“Mhm,” Magnus hums, giving Alec a peck. “I’m the best when I do your chores, huh?” 

The younger man rolls his eyes, murmuring a  _ ‘fuck off’ _

“Come on, get up now,” Magnus says with a chuckle

The thing with Magnus is that - he might get distracted easily when he  _ wants  _ to be distracted, he might be the one distracting Alec when he  _ wants  _ to be distracting, but if Alec genuinely has to be somewhere or do something - Magnus is always the one motivating him and pushing him forward to do so. 

And that means - there’s  _ no _ way that Alec can convince Magnus to have quick 10-minute cuddles, before he leaves. 

It takes Alec a total of 30 minutes to head to the archery area; 15 because he was getting ready, and 15 because Magnus wouldn’t let him go empty-stomached.

There are not many there, as one would expect on a monday evening. Clary - Clar today - waits for him in the locker room, a green band on their wrist indicating their pronouns for the day. 

"You're on time!" They say, just as Alec puts his bag down.

"I'm always on time," Alec rolls his eyes.

Clar hums. "Magnus woke you up, didn't he?"

"How did you know that I was sleeping?"

"College was shitty today," Clar shrugs. "And you tend to sleep off your emotions."

Of course they know, they've been Alec's friend since elementary school. Alec doesn't even understand why he's surprised that Clar tends to foresee his every move.

"Put on your guards, let's target practice today," Clar tells him, and Alec nods. 

Then, he notices the other group of guys huddling in the locker room.

"... Who are  _ they?" _

Clar gives them a look. "I dunno, seems new"

Alec frowns, he has been coming to this place for almost 7 years now and he hasn't seen them around here before. 

"Probably some tourists or something," Clar says. “Let’s just get to practice”

Practice goes as usual, with Clar and he being competitive as fuck. They both refuse to admit that the other is better, they never do. Alec likes their little banter as they shoot.

It's going well, relieving even, until one of the "tourists" calls them out.

_ "Hey, girls? Do you guys know where the washroom is?" _

For a moment, Alec's heart stops. He freezes, feels a heavy weight weighing down in his stomach.

He hasn't been called that in a while now. 

"Um, straight outside in the corridor, and then take the first right, you'll see the board," Clar replies, and Alec takes in a breath. 

He looks around and finds that Lydia is standing there, beside them too. And of course, Clar is not a girl today but they present to be, so the tourist was probably talking to them and Lydia while Alec focused on his target.

Logically, he knows that, and yet his brain fails to  _ understand _ it.

Alec lowers his bow, takes in a deep breath and rolls his shoulders. Today was  _ not _ a good day for this to happen. His college professor already dead-named him  _ twice  _ in the afternoon in front of his friends group. His day couldn't have gotten any shittier.

"You okay?" Clar asks him, as if reading Alec's uneasiness.

"Yeah," Alec replies, "fine."

It's not long before Clar is sighing and telling Alec to wrap up for the day, partly because they  _ know _ Alec isn't okay, and partly because Alec can't seem to pay attention anymore - too focused on fixing his posture whenever the tourists pass by.

And Alec hates how his petty dysphoria is interrupting the one thing that brings him the most happiness. It frustrates him.

He stands in front of the locker room's mirror as he takes off his guards. He stares at his face, the light stubble that has formed there because of  _ T, _ the one that Magnus seems to adore. He studies his arms, not slim and  _ womanly _ anymore. His chest, flat because of the binder he's wearing. And the way his oversized t-shirt covers his lower areas.

"It's fucking fine," Alec tells himself, hears his voice come out deeper than it used to be. He's well-passing, he knows that. And yet, the sinking feeling in the bottom of his stomach doesn't seem to leave. 

Clar gives him a smile when he comes out of the locker room and hands him a Dr. Pepper. 

"You wanna grab some pizza, dude?" 

Alec nods. Maybe some food will make him feel better. 

"Magnus?" Alec calls, just as he enters his apartment. "I'm home"

He takes off his shoes, searches up his pockets, and drops the few loose notes and change in the small  _ Top Surgery _ fund box that they've decided to keep on top of their shoe rack - Top surgery is expensive, after all, so they try to do everything they can to save up money. 

"In here!" comes Magnus' voice from his bedroom. They still have separate rooms for their own privacy, no matter how they usually spend their nights together.

Alec feels himself relax a bit at the sight of his boyfriend, who's sitting on his bed with a cigarette in one hand and a pencil in the other, he's sketching - probably finishing up the designs he's been working on for his fashion assignments.

"Hello, darling," Magnus looks up and smiles at him, flicking his cigarette so the ash on its tip falls in the ashtray. "How was Archery?" he asks, placing his sketch file and supplies on the nightstand, giving Alec all of his attention - it’s something he always does, refrains from working when they are together.

Alec sighs, his body limping as he takes steps forward towards his boyfriend. He places a kiss on top of Magnus' head as a greeting, to which Magnus hums, before taking the cigarette from Magnus fingers and holding it between his own, taking a hit and extinguishing the rest of it. There wasn’t much left anyway.

“Fine,” Alec replies, then hangs his head low, shoulders slumped as he climbs on the bed and into Magnus’ lap - body over his boyfriend and his head on Magnus’ chest, craving the touch.

Magnus lets him adjust, starts rubbing his back as an instinct and cards Alec’s hair with his fingers. “Hey,” he says, “Are you sure?”

Alec nuzzles his nose in Magnus’ chest, and just shakes his head. 

“Did something happen?” 

“Yeah,” Alec says, hesitant. “Not really”

“Alexander,” Magnus whispers, “talk to me”

Alec clutches Magnus closer. “Aldertree dead-named me, twice, in front of Jace and the others” 

“God,” Magnus lets out, irritation in his tone. “Did you correct him?” 

“Clar did,” Alec replies. “I fucking hate that man” 

Magnus sighs. “I’m sorry, darling,” he says. “You should report him one day”

“Maybe,” the younger man says, low, tired.

Magnus strokes Alec’s back gently, playing with his hair. It’s soothing, the silence, the voice of Alec’s rhythmic breathing. “--Is that it?” 

“Yeah,” says Alec. “No,” he shuts his eyes in frustration. “It’s stupid” 

“It’s not stupid if it made you feel uncomfortable,” Magnus tells him.

“I was focused on the target, and there were these tourists there… one of them called out... he said ‘girls’ and I thought--” Alec pauses, “--Lydia was there too, he was calling out to Clar and her but I just…” he starts to fiddle with Magnus’ necklace, a common stim for him to do whenever they are cuddling together. “I don’t know if I make sense… It just... hit me, I guess” 

“That made perfect sense, love,” Magnus replies. “Is there anything I can do, at the moment?” 

It’s something Magnus always asks, even though he had caught onto things that bring Alec comfort during times like these. And it’s something Alec appreciates about him - appreciates how Magnus notices the slightest of discomforts in his body language, how it doesn’t take him long, now, to realize when Alec’s feeling dysphoric.

Alec shakes his head. “Stay here,” he says, it comes out needy but he doesn’t care, not at the moment. He just needs something to hold on to. 

“I’m not going anywhere” 

Usually, Alec would get really anxious, which would lead him to snap at everyone and be annoyed. But being with Magnus grounds him, keeps him calm, safe.  _ Magnus  _ is his safe space. 

“Magnus?” Alec murmurs. “I love you”

For a moment, Magnus’ breathing stills. It’s not like they’ve never said it before, they have - they do everyday. With small gestures like cheek kisses, reassuring hand holds, making sure that the other has eaten, staying there and looking at the other work, just being there for each other - so yeah, they say it everyday, but never directly, never in  _ words. _

It’s just a confession. It doesn’t feel weird, it’s nothing new. 

A beat passes, before Alec  _ feels  _ Magnus smile, kiss the top of his head again and tug him closer.

“I love you too” 

_ This is fine,  _ Alec thinks, closing his eyes.  _ This is better. _


End file.
